making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
