Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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