my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the day after is always just damage control
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
