this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
