obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
