I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
