You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
