I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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