I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
