That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
