My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
