Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
