You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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