she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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