in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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