i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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