i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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