As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
