okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize