got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
