you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
