just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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