Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
