She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So apparently I’m into choking now
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