bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
