Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
