Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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