Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
