the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
