YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
