my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
