Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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