Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
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After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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