The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
