I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
