My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
