i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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