I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
