Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
