Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
