In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
