This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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