did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
