Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
