i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
