i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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