I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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