I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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