spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
