I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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