All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
