Who did Billy Mays play for?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
