Betty ford says i'm here all night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize