My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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