saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So. Much. Porn.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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