could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
