dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drunk is not a location!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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