worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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