She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
