Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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