Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish i was in the wii world.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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