Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize