I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
God, I missed his penis.
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